September 1, 1998

Views From Metropolis


Wendy M. Pfeiffer

Part 9 in a Series

Well, it happened. Through a rigorous program of vegan purification, I
have finally come to understand Newton's Laws of Motion. I admit I still
have a bit of trouble rationalizing friction, but this should smooth out in

You see, I've reverted to my former ways. I'm sitting here with painted
fingernails and coiffed hair, happily digesting my chicken salad sandwich.

"Every body continues in its state of rest or of uniform motion in a
straight line unless acted upon by some outside force."

Apparently, my straight line began in the '80's, when my self-realization
process gelled. I was a yuppie, a material girl, and a very different
creature from my '70's-influenced older sister. In fact, I've tended along
that line for the past twenty years, give or take a few.

Now on Earth, we don't see "uniform motion" because of friction. Like I
said, I'm working on that. I think it may be related to relationships. Or
balance between career and personal life.
"The change in motion of an object (acceleration) is proportional to the
force acting on it and inversely proportional to its mass."

My physics classes taught me that both changing speed and changing
direction are forms of acceleration. And, while I've acquired more
emotional baggage (er, mass) through the years, I've still managed to
pursue a change of pace or direction from time to time. Coming to L.A. was
a true acceleration for this body!

Talk about a change of pace! My career slowed down, personal life sped up,
health improved, outlook altered, and living conditions altered
dramatically. And direction! I moved out of management, out of a
mortgage, and out of my safety range. Finally, I was tanned and tone and
eating vegan with unadorned fingers clasping chilled fork.

"To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

So now I'm promoted into management again. I've hired a maid, have my
nails done twice a month, and am trying to buy a house. I miss my straight
line! And yet, I'm not beyond realizing the gravity of the situation.

"The gravitational force between two bodies is proportional to the product
of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance
between them. "

You see, I was so close to breaking out of this orbit. I really had it
going this time! Perhaps my husband will exert some influence--we're very

At least, that's the view from here.

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